Bubble Butt Bubble Butt

Say my name say my name, when no one is around you say baby I love you why the sudden change.

I have this growing fear that I am part of a social experiment or on The Truman Show part 2. Do you ever think to yourself while your driving that someone is watching you or listening to you sing Destiny's Child? I have had this happen a couple times recently where I will be hitting the chorus like a motha fucka and then bam...Shit, what if there are millions of people watching me get down to DC? It's scary actually. Maybe one day I will escape this false world I am living in like Jim Carey and all the baby mama's will be like oh heyyyyyyy boy damn you sing real nice wanna have coitus? This will not happen. Mistakes.

So my new way of trying to pick up females has been to telepathically try and manipulate them into talking to me or getting naked. I figured talking to them and trying to make conversation is way to hard and has a 100% failure rate so new methods are required. I was taking the train back from Toronto on Monday and there was this scrumptious girl (I'm talking filthy, and she was wearing what must be a new lulu lemon ultra tight and see thru legging, damn girl, call me)sitting a few seats away and I was trying my new process. Here are the telepathic sequence of events:

Mike: Hey babe, look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Baby girl, look at me!!!. Yoooooooo!!!!!!! Look at me.

Hotty: Looks up and in my direction.

Mike: Made brief eye contact, looks away in fear. Mistakes. Let's try this again....Baby girl, holla at me. Look at me, look at me!!!!!!

Hotty: Looks back at me.

Mike: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy, how does you me and a bucket of chicken sound?

Hotty: Begins to look disturbed.

Mike: C'mon baby, get naked.

Hotty: Proceeds to move to the next car down.

Mike: 0 for 1.

So my stupidity is growing to new levels. This may be very, very hard for some of you to believe since I am very special as is. As some of you may know I have been going to the gym a lot lately and as of last week I inadvertently started to make the most retarded hand gestures . It started when I was doing an exercise with a cable machine and I had one hand free, I was working super hard for all the philly's in the gym, holla ladies, and then looked at my buddy dying laughing at me. Turns out when I have one hand free during exercises I make the most awkward hand position. If any girl is looking at me, any chance of conversation is immediately shattered (like my hopes and dreams). Like where did this come from? Why did I start doing this as of last week? Its funny because I actually do it all the time now, I will be walking on the treadmill and look down and bam, crookshank hand is in full effect. I can't escape it. As the saying goes.....Mistakes!!!
I have included the below picture to demonstrate, although in real time it is much more repulsive and the ladies are disgusted, let me tell you.

Gucci Mane Out!
Peace be with you.

PS: My future wife